[MTV Cribs intro plays]
Murdoc: Oh, yeah, uh..I forgot you lot were coming. Right.
[Murdoc opens the door]
Murdoc: Hi! Uh, I'm Murdoc Niccals from Gorillaz. Welcome to my crib. Come on in, eh? Lemme show you 'round. Right, OK, this is Kong Studios, the Gorillaz HQ. Home of the world's biggest band!
Murdoc: So, come on, 'lil chicken, and i'll take you 'round the ranch.
Ok, this is a treat now, folks, right, I'm gonna show you where Gorillaz make our multi-million selling albums. D-D-D-D-Don't touch anything! Don't touch anything you can't afford. Watch the cloth moth . This is where, like, the magic happens, yeah.
[metallic clangs of Russel making a taxidermy cow]
That is Russel. He's our drummer, now, eh. Best drummer in-in Gorillaz [laugh]. Actually, I don't think he is. I think I might be better.
[Murdoc motions to "El Diablo"]
Murdoc: I used this lil' baby here for the Feel Good Inc. track, yeah. Little beauty. Let's see, we've got De La Soul, D12, Roots Manuva. All-all of Gorillaz's collaborators, that's easy for you to say, you know, they've all been here, they've been through this place. Actually, some of them have rifled through my drawers.[sniggers] You know, wasn't very polite, I was in them at the time [laugh].
[Fire Coming Out of The Monkey's Head plays] This, uh, this is a track we made with, uh, Mr. Dennis Hopper. He loves Gorillaz. Who could blame him, eh?..... "Murdoc is a nob"? Huh.. I'll get him.
Murdoc: This is me, cutting a onion. Oh look, our singer 2-D's in 'ere. HEY, FACEACHE!.. Arse.
Yea, he's a lovely little fella.
Murdoc: So I said to her, "Hey, love, you were great in The Mexican!" And it wasn't like until, like, 2 days later when I realized, Cameron Diaz wasn't in The Mexican.
I tell you what, I've seen quite a few episodes of MTV Cribs. And every house is the same! Yea? what's all that about? The first thing these peasants do when they get any money, yea, is buy some tacky show home, and then fill it up with all this...shit. Then they call it culture. Yea, they wouldn't know what a culture was if it jumped up and bit them, you know, 'an took 'em on holiday. Peasants, slags, scumbags. Shall we see if Noodle is here?
Murdoc: Ohhh, this looks great in here! Actually, this is the place where we filmed the video to our track "DARE". Far out, man.
Noodle: [yelling in Japanese] It's my room! Get out! Get out!
Murdoc: Hey, look at this, it's the Geep we used in the 19-2000 video! That would cost you more than a space shuttle. And that over there is my Winnebago. This is the payoff. My love shack on wheels. This is the real heart of Kong, right, like the crib's crib. My prized possession. Over here on the wall are some of my famous celeb chums. That's me there, with, uh, Angelina [bleep]. I had her, She's alright. Oh, That's me and Cameron [bleep]. I had her too. And that's [bleep]. I've had her too, mm-hmm, wish I hadn't. And that bloke over there, see? That's my dad. [bleep].
Murdoc: Hey, you there, why don't you jump in next to me and come feel the quality of these sheets? Mmm-mmm, Real Egyptian silk. Mmmm...mmmm. No, no, no, no, don't touch that! Actually, i think it's time you left.
So, that's my crib, baby! Hey listen, I hope you had a wonderful time and gained an insight into the wild, wild ways that Gorillaz live, you know? But, uh, hey, listen, I've got some, uh, some work to do, and it's pretty important, so...you lot better [bleep] off.