Murdoc: Hello, world!! It's me, Murdoc Niccals! YEAH! So, kids, have you missed me? Who wouldn't, eh? It's been a long time for all of us, hasn't it, eh? But now I'M BACK!!! Well...I instigated my own disappearance. Paying off your debts would be a tedious way to spend your (???), yeah.
Well, I, uh, needed somewhere isolated, the people were huntin' me down, the black clouds were on my trail. They were cheesed off about all the dark weapons and useless shooters i'd stick 'em with. None of the weapons worked and they must have got their hands on a new batch, because the next thing I know is they track me down and then bullets everywhere! So I needed somewhere, something unique. So I just, you know, scouted the globe, sniffing around all over the place. I searched on maps, visited secret locations until finally, I found it. I knew i'd struck gold. The perfect plastic palace, Point Nemo, No Man's Land. The place furthest from any other landmass on the planet. No one would dream looking for me there, would they? You can make as much noise as you want.
It was, yeah, basically just a giant piece of rotten plastic in the middle of nowhere. The funny thing was that it looked idyllic from far away through the binoculars, like a-a floating paradise, but once you got closer, you can see it was just a landfill. I painted the whole thing bright pink and just, you know, gone on with it. My own Plastic Beach. Tadaaaa! The first thing I did was built the big Tracy Island-type Playboy mansion right on the top of this Plastic Beach. It's just a towering, monstrous building. It's, you know, basically a-houses everything from my new HQ to my state-of-the-art recording studio.
It's got everything from lavish boudoirs to, uh, glass bottom basement rooms, secret rooms, lighthouse towers. Plastic Beach is "fantastish". When I first got it, I just ran it up and down kicking the landscape. Initially I just started, uh, twangin' away with my bass alone. Then some of it started making sense, unfortunately. So, eh, bit by bit, demo by demo, I started coming up with the Plastic Beach record. And well, the foundation's nice and solid, sonically new which when I was boarding the ship I realized I had to put Gorillaz back together, it seemed right! And I wanted to start with Noodle. Noodle is my greatest asset, she's a outstanding guitarist, looks great, and a brilliant songwriter.
Now, I-I went back to the place where I last seen her in 2006, the scene of the El Manana video crash site, however, there's nothing left. I did what I could. I-I scraped up some of Noodle's DNA samples from the wreckage and got to work building a cyborg version of 'er. It ain't the real Noodle, obviously, but i-i-it's close enough. And she's my, uh, my own personal, gunslinging, guitar playing, body guard. She can shoot bullets right out of her mouth, you know! What other band can state claim to that, uh? I pretty much done what I needed on Plastic Beach, but I was still missing that magic vocal touch. So it was time to bring in the lyrics, the voice. I tracked 2-D down for the third Gorillaz campaign. So, I just gassed him out cold, shipped him over to Plastic Beach, and installed him in the room downstairs. You can get away with ditching LOTS of aspects of the band, skipping parts, putting lots of experimentation, but you CAN'T switch the singer. And Russel, you know, he's had his big, bad breakdown, um, seen demons shooting out of the speakers. I get that every day, don't know what he's complaining about. He ended up living in Ike Turner's basement, which i thought was a euphemism for something else! Should we hear a little of the record now? My throat's getting very dry.
[The music video for Gorillaz's "Stylo" plays]
After not being able to make it to Coachella, then missing out on the Roundhouse shows, I tell you, buddy, there's no way I am missing out again. Myself, 2-D, and our Cyborg Noodle went off to the O2 arena the other day, to do a new spot of rehearsing, in, you know, the actual venue. Only to be confronted by that sodding Gorillaz live band again! Yeah, the one with Damon Albarn in it, and half The Clash! 50% of The Clash, yeah? Then, then, this time, right, they stopped us getting to the stage! T-then the O2, they're gonna use the footage to advertise the gigs! Oh no...not them.
The Gorillaz ain't just Damon Albarn and his gang of hapless goons. It's us! They'll be curtains for anyone who stops this, right? Russel'll probably be back by then, i'm sure that'll sort them out. But, you know, i've noticed this mysterious brown dome way off in the distance, and it seems to be inching closer and closer to the island. Still, probably nothing. Chances of that dome turning out to be Russel's big, bald head is ridiculous, isn't it? I've got a funny feeling that I haven't heard the last from the real Noodle. Who knows how this'll all pan out? I don't know.
[The music video for Gorillaz's "On Melancholy Hill" plays]